She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
