she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize