You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
