mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just high enough for therapy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
