it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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