Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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