next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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