you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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