My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
love makes seman taste better
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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