Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
