meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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