Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
