I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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