Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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