he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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