took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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