bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
