Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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