so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
