If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
