then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
