I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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