If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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