Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
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