i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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