my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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