im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
