i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
