come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we made out on top of his cat.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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