I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
