Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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