I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
