Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this just has baby written all over it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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