Screwed.edu
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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