Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
