I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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