Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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