Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
