"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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