I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my liver is dry heaving
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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