My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
