is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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