can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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