I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
