I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
