i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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