well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
