You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
