my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
