Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
