Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
