3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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