I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
