Sponge bath it is.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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