I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
