I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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