its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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