I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
