Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
