i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
