What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
