that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
