Your tits are I can't wait for
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
