I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
