I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
