its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
