boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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