UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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