I faked an abortion last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
