paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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