I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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