I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
