I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize