Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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