am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
