the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
