I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
