M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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