i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How does it feel to date your dad?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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