I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
